Be Still, My Soul

Thirty-seven weeks down and a mere three to go. It's shocking some days that it has been that long and other days it seems it has been an eternity. An eternity of tears, fears, pain, many long and emotionally draining conversations, moments of abounding joy from the realization of a miracle of life embedded within me. It has been a journey. A very painful but rewarding journey.

My heart and soul are greatly stirred in these last three weeks as I face the final decision. The decision that decides whether I will continue to be a mother in three weeks or whether I will be passing the torch to a more than worthy couple. My mother's heart is in turmoil. Do I decorate a room lavishly in preparation for a dewy eyed child, or do I leave it for another to do? I have been quiet in my battle thus far. My battle of the mind amidst my ever-changing thoughts. Many factors come to mind, overwhelming my thoughts to a seemingly unbearable point and after a tearful conversation with my mother yesterday amidst the rejuvenating of my soul on a Sabbath Sunday, I said aloud that I only wished for peace about one decision or the other. For the Lord to clearly direct my path as he has thus far- He is such a faithful friend. What a blessing to feel that warmth of friendship. That satisfaction of calling him that aloud. He is my dear friend. How? I don't know. But oh how clearly he is.

Yesterday he gave me a certain start to a peace that I needed amidst my scatterbrained and human thoughts. He reminded me, his friend, to Still My Soul. To know that he is there. To know that above all this child is his. If he remains mine what a gift to me. If he is another's than what a gift to them, but above all this child is his. As a mother there is no greater comfort the Lord could have bestowed amidst my turmoil. He is already his, he was from the start and I pray even now regardless of where this little gift will spend his life, that he will always be in the presence of the Lord, as his child, as his follower, as his friend.

I have been intentionally quiet thus far about where I am at in this decision process. There are many nay- sayer's that I have met along the way about either side of decision making- adoption or keeping the baby, and it is daunting to know that this little one will be born within three weeks and I am uncertain just yet of what I am to do, however as the day comes creeping up and as I thought about what I am to do the first thing that comes to mind is pray. So, it is time my dears to ask of you one thing in these closing weeks, that you will pray and pray and pray. It's the only thing I want you to do. I am in need. Need of the Lords direction every day and so I humbly ask you to pray that this little child of God will be placed where the Lord wishes to have him, that my soul will be stilled and that through it all I will remain thankful that the Lord is doing what he is doing as "what is mysterious now shall be bright at last".
I love you all and so does Wit.

Be still my soul: the Lord is on thy side; Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain; Leave to thy God to order and provide; In every change he faithful will remain. Be still, my soul; thy best, thy heavenly, Friend through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.